Friday Funny

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE  DANGEROUS…
Snakes also known as Garter Snakes  (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.  Yes, grass snakes, not  rattlesnakes.
Here’s why….
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a  lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a  lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It  turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the  plants.  When it had warmed up,  it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out  a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out  into the living room naked to see what the problem was.  She told him there was  a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and  knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed  him on the behind.  He thought the snake  had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife  thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie  still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not  listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying  him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa  and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the  stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the  hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house,  so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.  He armed himself with a  rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.  Soon he decided it was  gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But  while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt  the snake wriggling around.  She screamed and  fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man,  seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive  her.
The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at  the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and  slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,  knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed  stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw  her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she  assumed that the snake had bitten him.  She went to the kitchen  and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s  throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe  here…
They saw the  unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had  occurred.  They were about to  arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over  a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took  away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again  crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and  fired at it.  He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it  shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the  drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile,  neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department.  The firemen had started  raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street.  The rising ladder tore  out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones  in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire  out).
Time passed!
Both men were  discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home,  the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A  while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap  for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring  in their plants for the night.
And that’s when he shot  her.