This one is too funny not to post:
An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He
immediately dials 999.Irishman: ”It’s my fooken wife! I’ve accidentally shot her, I’ve
fooken killed her!”Operator: ”Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is
actually dead!”*click* … *BANG*
Irishman: ”Okay, I’ve fooken done that. What next?”